Wednesday, December 28, 2011

An Early New Year's Poem

Nineteen Hundred Eighty-two
Was fading fast away
We thought we’d have a midnight party
To bring in New Year’s Day

Someone said, “Thing sure are tough”
And I said, “They’re all right”
Someone else said “You’re all nuts”
That sure did start a fight

Then there I was down on the floor
With the rest on top of me
And soon I had these two black eyes
So I could hardly see

Next thing, my nose got flattened out
And I could hardly hear
Because some great big bozo
Had stepped on my right ear

Bells started ringing, horns were blowing
To bring in New Year’s Day
So I crawled over to the door
And quietly sneaked away

I sure am glad to be at home
But I know I’ll have to pay
To get some beef steak for my eyes
So I’ll be good as new some day

Now I’m recuperating
As happy as can be
I wasn’t sure that I’d survive
Till Nineteen Hundred Eighty-three

We plan another party
Sometime this coming spring
If someone asks, “How’s the country doing?”
I ain’t gonna say a dad-burn thing!


Monday, December 26, 2011

T'was the Day After Christmas

T'was the day after Christmas
And you maybe can guess
That things at our house
Were really a mess

There was paper and boxes
And packing galore
And ribbons and scotch tape
All over the floor

We got lots of presents
I think it's because
We all still believe
There's a real Santa Claus

And though we are happy
And full of good cheer
We're glad Christmas comes
Only one day each year

Our expressions will change
To a frown from a grin
When those Christmas bills
start coming in

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Oh, If I Could Be Nineteen Again

One sunny day I walked downtown
Which isn’t very far
I met this snazzy chick
Near the Silver Dollar Bar

She looked at me, then smiled and said
I’m looking for a man
I ups to her, she ups to me
And then I turned and ran

It dawned on me that I’m too old
For this kind of date
I think it may have been real nice
But it’s sixty years too late

So I just hurried on back home
Where I haven’t got a care
Took off my shoes and just relaxed
In my old reclining chair

They say her name is Helen French
And I suppose that’s so
I don’t know what it is in English
And I’ll probably never know

Over the hill D.B.C.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Cow Tail

We had this eight cylinder cow
To milk her we weren’t sure how
So four of us tried, with two on each side
We soon said “we’re through milking” Now?

This outstanding animal was raised
on feed supplied by
Rancher’s Feed Service
Lusk, Wyoming
H. & R. Brown, Props.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Labor(less) Day

A holiday is coming soon
They call it “Labor Day”
As one who used to labor
Here’s what I have to say

I’ve seen a lot of Labor Days
And here’s what I have found
Most folk don’t Labor much that Day
They mostly goof around

Some say “some good old mountain trout
Would make a tasty dish”
So the7y go up the river
And try to catch some fish

Some are lucky and they get
The day off with full pay
I think that we should change it
And call it “Laborless Day”


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

(Another) School Daze

I didn’t do real well in school
I must have been some kind of fool
I made it through my just a crack
Went in the front door and out the back

In Math they asked “What’s X times Y?”
I didn’t know and wondered why
They’d ask a think like that of me
I even flunked what’s two times three

The Latin teacher said, “D.B.
Can you translate ‘puer’ for me?”
I said, “I think that must mean ‘glass’”
That sent me to the foot of the class

In History I didn’t do real good
The teacher said, “D.B., you should
Describe Columbus, if you can”
I didn’t even know the man

So here I am, still wondering why
They wanted to know “What’s X times Y?”


Monday, August 15, 2011

School Daze

It’s time for school to start again
In Nineteen Hundred Eighty-Nine
The kids have had a short vacation
In this good old summer time

There’s lots of things for them to learn
If they try hard to do it
These are the best years of their lives
If they only knew it

We wish them all a lot of luck
How they’ll turn out we can only guess
When they grow up and take control
They’re going to inherit quite a mess

We Senior Citizens used to go to school
A long, long time ago
We really should go back again
We’d learn some things that we don’t know


Monday, July 18, 2011

The Mug-Wump

The Mug-Wump is a funny bird
He sits on the fence and sings
He eats grasshoppers, flies, and bugs
And lots of other things

He isn’t call a Mug-Wump
Because he looks like his mother
It’s because his Mug’s on one side of the fence
And his Wump is on the other


Monday, June 13, 2011

Oh No, Not Another Brain Storm: Hooray, I'm going to be rich! (I hope...)

I received glad tidings some time ago
It filled my heart with glee,
It seems they have Ten Million Bucks
They want to send to me

I few days later I received another
That really made me roar
They’d like to send Ten Million too
Or maybe even more

And then another Sweepstakes came
With Seven Million Bucks to spare
If I send in my lucky number
They’ll send me back my share

The next one was Five Million Bucks
If I can only make it
Although it’s less than the others are
I’ll force myself to take it

And then there’s one cheapskate sweepstakes
One Million is their range
But I’ll take it just because
I’ll need some pocket change

I’ll be real careful with all that money
I’ll handle it with care
T’will take a while to get me used
To being a Millionaire

I check my mail most every day
My nerves are getting tense
I’ve only won one sweepstakes yet
The amount was nineteen cents

I’m keeping my toes and fingers crossed
I haven’t won a big prize yet
But when I receive those Millions and Millions
I’ll pay off the National Debt.


Monday, May 30, 2011

A Beautiful Wyoming Flower

There are flowers growing in my lawn
They open up each day at dawn

They are just as healthy as can be
And also pretty, as you can see

I took a picture of this one
Just fooling around to have some fun

Just what it is nobody knows
I think it’s a Wyoming rose.


Friday, May 13, 2011

Another Revoltin' Development in Cody, Wyo.

I went downtown the other day
To see what I could see
A smart young whipper-snapper there
Tried to mug me

I slapped his face right then and there
I should have turned and ran
He ups to me, I ups to him
And then the fight began

He doubled up his big right fist
And I hit it with my nose
It surely did surprise him
Here’s how the story goes

Then I jabbed his left finger
With my good left eye
It really hurt him so darn bad
That he began to cry

So then I threw him on the ground
I surprised him with that stunt
I think he must have weighted a ton
It really made me grunt

So then I stuffed my big left ear
In his mouth as we fell
I think it must have hurt him bad
Because it really made him yell

About that time a Cop came by
And helped him to his feet
Then I got up, I sure was mad,
And kicked him in the seat

So after I went home I thought
No more of him I’d see
I’ll bet now he won’t be so ornery
Since I learned him a thing or three!


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Another Exasperatin' Day in the Life of a Senior Citizen

Spring has sprung and winter’s gone
Now summer’s on the way
I felt so good I thought I’d wash
Some windows this fine day

I took my ladder, pail and soap
And started to wash one
I thought I heard a noise below
I had only just begun

I looked around, there on the lawn
Two friendly skunks I see
A mother and her stripped kid
Were smiling up at me

I climbed up higher and said “Scat!
Please kitties go away!”
But they just stood there on the lawn
They kept me there all day

I finally got so tired I hit
The big one with my pail
I see I shouldn’t have did that
‘Cause she raised up her tail

She sure got made and glared at me
And then I heard her say
“Come on and let us spray!”

The aroma that she sprayed on me
Caused me to holler “Phew!”
I held my nose and closed my eyes
It turned the air dark blue

I jumped down off that ladder
Still holding my poor nose
I ran into my shed out back
And took off all my clothes

Then as I headed for the house
In my old birthday suit
I heard a neighbor lady say
“My goodness! Ain’t he cute!”

I ran downstairs and took a shower
Though it wasn’t my bath day
I washed and washed on that darn smell
But it wouldn’t go away

I finally dressed and went outside
With a clothespin on my nose
I dug a hole in my back yard
And buried those old clothes

I haven’t washed the windows yet
That first try was a fright
Next time I try I’ll make darn sure
There ain’t no skunks in sight


Thursday, April 28, 2011

I failed at Golfing - Now I'm back to Bowling

I’m taking up the game of golf
I’ve only just begun
To chase that white round ball around
They say is lots of fun

I had to have a caddy
So I got me one named Meghan
I only had one other choice
His name was Ronnie Reagan

I sat the ball up on the tee
And took a swing at it
The ball just sat there on the tee
Air was the only thing I hit

I took another swing at it
I swung that club real hard
I stirred up such a dog-gone breeze
It rolled the ball about a yard

I took another swing at it
And gave it quite a tap
Then it flew up and went right straight
Into a darn sand trap

So then I used my twelve iron
Like all good golfers do
I swung at it with all my might
The sand and ball sure flew

So then I lined it up real good
I thought I had it beat
I tapped it gently with my putter
It came up short about two feet

I finally came up with a scheme
I think it’s something new
To get that darn ball in the hole
I had to use my shoe

I swung those clubs till I was pooped
And I must tell you folks
I almost made a hole-in-one
Just missed it by five strokes

I think from now on I’ll just bowl
Here’s why it’s best of all
You play inside and you don’t even
Have to hunt the ball


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went in my back yard one day
To do some work out there
It was full of Jackalopes
They sure gave me a scare

They growled and roared and pawed the ground
They were as mad as they could be
They chased me back into the house
I think they all hate me

I got a bomb from Uncle Sam
And set it off today
I sure messed up one Jackalope
But the others got away

I really put the run on them
I’ve one more thing to say
I hope I scared them good enough
So now they’ll stay away


Friday, April 8, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around
And met this Jackalope pawing the ground
I was checking to see what I could see
When that mad brute took after me

He was real mad and getting madder
So I climbed up on my step ladder
I climbed as high as I could go
And he glared at me from down below

It sure was cold out there that day
And I said “Jackalope go away”
It felt like it was near zero
I thought that he would never go

He finally took off in a huff
And I said “Feet now do your stuff”
I climbed back down and ran inside
And stared to warm up my old hide

Cold made it hard to get about
It took two hours to thaw me out
When I go out again I hope
I won’t meet that mad Jackalope


I went back out to feed the birds
And like some half baked dope
I didn’t think to look around
For that mad Jackalope

I didn’t see him anywhere
But gosh there was another
He wasn’t quite so big and fat
I think it’s his kid brother

He spotted me and here he came
With one blood curdling roar
I ran as fast as I could go
And beat him to the door

I’ll buy some bombs from Uncle Sam
If he has some to sell
I’ll drop them on those Jackalopes
And blow them all to **** ...pieces


Friday, April 1, 2011

April 1st 1983 - The Original April Fool

(Note: Grandad LOVED April Fool's Day; he pranked me every year!)

There’s a fool born every minute
That’s what P.T. Barnum said
I don’t think that we’re all stupid
We’re just feeble in the head

We really are a jolly bunch
I’ll say in our defense
And I’m sure I’m just as happy
As if I’d been blessed with good sense

If I’d been an extra-smart kid
I’d probably be a millionaire
But this way I’m free from worry
I don’t even have a care

I don’t try to hold a job down
And I’m not an old deadbeat
I don’t draw no unemployment
All I do is sleep and eat


Monday, March 21, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

(NOTE: Grandad wrote several of these "Jackalope" themed pieces.)

I dug out my old trust rope
And caught myself a Jackalope

I didn’t know if he’d been rode
I thought perhaps I might get throwed

But he was gentle as could be
He didn’t even buck with me

He needs no gas, no oil, no lube
Not even oats, just rabbit food

He nibbles grass from dusk till dawn
And fertilizes my dumb lawn

And when with him I’m finally through
I’ll have myself some rabbit stew


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around
And met this Jackalope pawing the ground

He growled so loud I thought I’d been had
So I climbed my shed ‘cause he surely was mad

I thought I’d stay there till he went away
He kept me up there for two nights and a day

He finally gave up and decided to go
And I fell in a heap right there in the snow

I was so cold I hardly could talk
It sure hurt my legs to get up and walk

Now when I go out I surely do hope
I won’t meet up with that mad Jackalope


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Another Revoltin' Development: The Old Boy Lost Out Again

I’m feeling awfully sad today
Things sure went wrong for me
My tears are both so full of eyes
I just can’t hardly see

I thought I had it figured out
So she would fulfill my wishes
By doing windows, floors and laundry
And wish up all my dishes

I’d even let her pay the rent
The light bill and TV
I’d also let her cook some meals
And take good care of me

She was sure a neat old chick
But she messed up my plan
Instead of coming home with me
She ran off with the dumb milk man

I’ll stay away from all those widows
With them I shall not mingle
I don’t care if they’re rich or poor
I’ll go on being single