Thursday, April 28, 2011

I failed at Golfing - Now I'm back to Bowling

I’m taking up the game of golf
I’ve only just begun
To chase that white round ball around
They say is lots of fun

I had to have a caddy
So I got me one named Meghan
I only had one other choice
His name was Ronnie Reagan

I sat the ball up on the tee
And took a swing at it
The ball just sat there on the tee
Air was the only thing I hit

I took another swing at it
I swung that club real hard
I stirred up such a dog-gone breeze
It rolled the ball about a yard

I took another swing at it
And gave it quite a tap
Then it flew up and went right straight
Into a darn sand trap

So then I used my twelve iron
Like all good golfers do
I swung at it with all my might
The sand and ball sure flew

So then I lined it up real good
I thought I had it beat
I tapped it gently with my putter
It came up short about two feet

I finally came up with a scheme
I think it’s something new
To get that darn ball in the hole
I had to use my shoe

I swung those clubs till I was pooped
And I must tell you folks
I almost made a hole-in-one
Just missed it by five strokes

I think from now on I’ll just bowl
Here’s why it’s best of all
You play inside and you don’t even
Have to hunt the ball


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went in my back yard one day
To do some work out there
It was full of Jackalopes
They sure gave me a scare

They growled and roared and pawed the ground
They were as mad as they could be
They chased me back into the house
I think they all hate me

I got a bomb from Uncle Sam
And set it off today
I sure messed up one Jackalope
But the others got away

I really put the run on them
I’ve one more thing to say
I hope I scared them good enough
So now they’ll stay away


Friday, April 8, 2011

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around
And met this Jackalope pawing the ground
I was checking to see what I could see
When that mad brute took after me

He was real mad and getting madder
So I climbed up on my step ladder
I climbed as high as I could go
And he glared at me from down below

It sure was cold out there that day
And I said “Jackalope go away”
It felt like it was near zero
I thought that he would never go

He finally took off in a huff
And I said “Feet now do your stuff”
I climbed back down and ran inside
And stared to warm up my old hide

Cold made it hard to get about
It took two hours to thaw me out
When I go out again I hope
I won’t meet that mad Jackalope


I went back out to feed the birds
And like some half baked dope
I didn’t think to look around
For that mad Jackalope

I didn’t see him anywhere
But gosh there was another
He wasn’t quite so big and fat
I think it’s his kid brother

He spotted me and here he came
With one blood curdling roar
I ran as fast as I could go
And beat him to the door

I’ll buy some bombs from Uncle Sam
If he has some to sell
I’ll drop them on those Jackalopes
And blow them all to **** ...pieces


Friday, April 1, 2011

April 1st 1983 - The Original April Fool

(Note: Grandad LOVED April Fool's Day; he pranked me every year!)

There’s a fool born every minute
That’s what P.T. Barnum said
I don’t think that we’re all stupid
We’re just feeble in the head

We really are a jolly bunch
I’ll say in our defense
And I’m sure I’m just as happy
As if I’d been blessed with good sense

If I’d been an extra-smart kid
I’d probably be a millionaire
But this way I’m free from worry
I don’t even have a care

I don’t try to hold a job down
And I’m not an old deadbeat
I don’t draw no unemployment
All I do is sleep and eat