Saturday, December 21, 2013

All About Stomachs and Feet

When I was young, just twenty-four
I well remember from that year
When I would lay flat on my back
My stomach seemed to disappear

But now that I'm fat and growing old
There is one thing that seems quite queer
When I lay flat on my back
It's my two feet that disappear

I've wondered why this came about
The only answer I've been told
Is that my feet have gotten shorter
Since I started growing old

They say, "D.B., cut down on eating"
And I am going to try it
I'd like to see my feet again
So I'll go on a diet.

D.B. Cox

Friday, December 13, 2013

I Need A Lot More Sheep

I went to bed the other night
And could not go to sleep
I tossed and turned and kicked and squirmed
And counted lots of sheep

That didn’t help a dad-burn bit
Toward putting me to sleep
But I kept right on counting
Till I ran out sheep

So then I came up with a plan
I thought was really neat
I’d count those lovely widows
That gather where we eat

Then I turned over in my bed
I started counting and couldn’t stop
I got so darned excited
I almost blew my top

I saw that wasn’t going to help
For getting me to sleep
In fact it kept me more awake
Than counting those old sheep

I don’t know just what I’ll do next
Unless I get a lot more sheep
I’d gladly trade the whole darn herd
For one real good night’s sleep.

D.B. Cox

Friday, November 29, 2013

Bundled Up to Go Out to Dine?

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone
And winter’s on the way
The weather isn’t warm no more
It’s getting colder every day

I think it comes from Canada
It’s sure a nasty breeze
When I go out to eat a meal
It whistles through my B.V.D.s

So I’ll stay home most of the time
To say warm is the thing
I’ll just stay in out of the cold
Till it warms up next spring

If you are suffering from the heat
To Cody you should come
If you go out in your bikini
I’m sure you’ll cool off some.

D.B. Cox

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

A Thanksgiving Thank You

The folks down at the Senior Center
Fixed us a Thanksgiving dinner
With turkey, dressing, salads and desserts
It certainly was a winner

We really do appreciate it
We thank them one and all
It was the very nicest thing
We’ve had happen this fall

November is a windy month
Some days were cloudy and some were clear
We’re entering now into December
Christmas day will soon be here

We’ll have to watch our P’s and Q’s
And be as good as we can be
So Santa Claus will not forget us
And leave us something by the tree

We hope your fondest dreams come true
And next year we’ll still all be here
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a real Happy New Year

D.B. Cox

Monday, November 18, 2013

The Old Boy's Getting Goofier Every Day

With those old widows
I no longer mingle
But I’m having some trouble
Trying to stay single

The men all call me
A fat old tub
But I fight those widows
Off with a club

I don’t know what they see in me
I’m really not a great big brute
The only reason I can see
Is just that I’m so dog-gone cute

Of course if one of those neat chicks
With lots and lots of dough
Should say, “Come see the world with me!”
I might just up and go

D.B. Cox

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Another Brain Storm

Last spring I fertilized my lawn
That made it grow from dawn to dawn

A little water helped it grow
So twice a week I had to mow

And when it rained, that helped it too
The darn grass grew and grew and grew

I tried to stunt it some last fall
So it would stay just one inch tall

A few more weeks I had to mow
And now I have to shovel snow

I hate to work, I’d rather sit
It makes me tired to think of it

When I pass on and go below
No more lawns will I have to mow

And it’s so hot down there I know
I won’t even have to shovel snow!

D.B. Cox

Thursday, October 31, 2013

A Terrible Hallowe'en Scare

(This one's for Meghan the Bear.)

I had a scare on Hallowe’en
That I will not forget
It made my hair stand up on end
And I am shaking yet

The doorbell rang, I answered it
At gosh, there was a bear!
It scared me so I ran back in
And hid behind a chair

I sat behind that good ol’ chair
And shook real bad with fright
So then I peeked out from behind
And said, “Please bear, don’t bite!”

So then the bear let out a laugh
It laughed and laughed with glee
It sure did tickle that brown bear
To think how it scared me

So I gave it some Cracker Jacks
And then I went and got
My camera out and focused it
And took this bear snap shot

D.B. Cox

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Phoey on House Cleaning

(This one's for Meghan.)

Spring arrived some time ago
And I’m really sad
It’s spring house cleaning time again
And that sure makes me mad

Dusting is a nasty job
But doing it is a must
It’s got to be done good to make
Room for more “canyon” dust

And then I get the vacuum
And walk a mile or two
Back and forth and forth and back
I’m glad when I get through

Doing all those household chores
Is really hard on me
I wind up with two dish pan hands
And also house maid’s knee

By the time I’m through with it
My two poor feet don’t track
I relax in my chair and say
“Oh my aching back”

When I am dead and in my grave
No more house work will I crave
And on my tombstone painted yellow
That house work killed this poor old fellow

D.B. Cox

Thursday, October 17, 2013

He never will be rich becuz He's still as dumb as he ever wuz.

I didn’t do too well in school
I must have been some kind of fool

I made it through by just a crack
Came in the front and out the back

In Math they asked, “What’s X times Y”
I didn’t know and wondered why

They’d ask a thing like that of me
I even flunked “What’s 2 times 3”

The Latin teacher said, “D.B.,
Can you translate ‘Puer’ for me?”

I said, “I think that must mean glass”
That sent me to the foot of the class

In History I didn’t do real good
The teach said, “D.B., you should

“Describe Columbus to me if you can”
I didn’t even know the man

So here I am, still wondering why
They wanted to know “What’s X times Y”

D.B. Cox

(Sorry it's been so bloody long since I posted a Grandad gem! I hope to post weekly now until I have them all posted.)