October 31st, 1984

 

On Halloween in Eighty-Four

There came a knock on my front door

I thought it was someone from town

But out there stood a Circus Clown

It said to me, “It’s tricks or treats!”

So I gave it a bunch of eats

I said, “If you will pose for me,

I’ll take a picture for folks to see”

I took a quick snapshot of it

It only stayed a little bit

It said, “It looks like it might snow,

And I have lots more places to go!”

Some other ghosts gave me a scare

Then I sat down in my easy chair

And thought, I’m glad they call came here

And they’ll be back again next year

D.B. Cox

October

October is a lovely month

When the leaves start looking like gold

It isn't overly hot this month

Nor it isn't overly cold

That's when we start to reminisce

About things old and new

Like Columbus, who discovered us

In Fourteen-Hundred-Ninety-Two

Halloween will soon be here

With goblins in masks and sheets

And when they come around that night

They tell us "trick or treats"

It reminds us of when we were young

We were always short on jack

Our biggest thrill was to upset

That little house out back

Those little houses have long been gone

We've now grown old, and so

We'll just relax in our easy chairs

And dream of things from long ago

D.B. Cox

A Bird Tail From Cody Wyoming

 

The birdies show up every day

And take on quite a feed

I guess they’re always hungry

Cause they sure eat lots of seed

I started out with just a few

But now they come by dozens

I think they now bring all their kids

Their uncles, aunts, and cousins

I want to keep them good and fat

So I wouldn’t want to cheat ‘em

If prices keep on going up

I may be forced to eat ‘em

D.B. Cox

The IRS and Me, Again

In honor of the upcoming April 15 tax deadline, here are several odes to taxes by Grandad. All of these opuses were written a year apart and all were entitled “The IRS and Me, Again.”

Two years ago the IRS

Relieved me of my shirt

Along with all the coin I had

And that did really hurt

Last year they cleaned me out again

I didn’t have a chance

They took what little change I had

And even took my pants

They even wanted to take more

But I said, “Won’t you please

Leave a pair of my old socks

And a pair of BVDs?”

I cried and moaned and begged so much

And put up such a howl

They finally said that I could keep

My last nice blue bath towel

T’was time to pay them once again

For Nineteen-Eighty-Five

They sure did skin me good this year

I’m lucky I’m alive

They took my socks and BVDs

They sure did treat me rude

They even took my nice bath towel

And left me in the nude

I had to leave town after dark

It was cold and it was damp

I sneaked around and finally found

A dad-burn nudist camp

I felt so out of place out there

I couldn’t even grin

I asked the guard there at the gate

If he could let me in

So when I finally got inside

I heard snickering in the crowd

They all just stood and stared at me

Some even laughed out loud

I sure did feel embarrassed

And didn’t know what to do

I’d never seen a place like this

For me t’was something new

I thought I must get out of here

I was about half froze

I sneaked down to the Welfare

And got some pre-owned clothes

I’m glad that this is over

It sure has been a mess

I think next year I’ll hid somewhere

And dodge the IRS

D.B. Cox, 1985

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s that time of year again

When I get in a mess

By trying to find out how

I can beat the IRS

Last year they sure did clean me out

They treated me real rude

They took most everything I had

And left me in the nude

I went down to the Welfare

To get some pre-owned clothes

So they gave a pants and coat

And a pair of panty-hose

I tried to hide from the IRS

I thought I was real sly

But they sent out the CIA

Also the FBI

 Then when they found how poor I am

It sure did make them sore

The thought that I should be well fixed

And have a whole lot more

They said that they’d be good to me

And treat me fair and square

I hope I’ll have a little left

After they take out their share

If Welfare gives me some more stuff

I think that I’ll survive

So when it’s income time next year

I will still be alive

They’ve came up with a new Tax Law

That they claim is really grand

They’ve made it so darn “Simple”

That it’s hard to understand

I’ll try to study it real good

And lean it part by part

Maybe I could figure it out

If I was just half smart

I’ll bet at this time next year

I’ll be in another mess

Still trying to find out how

I can beat the IRS.

D.B. Cox, 1987

~~~~~~~~~~

Income tax time is here again

I’ve got me in another mess

For I’m still in the same old rut

Trying to beat the IRS

They caught up with me again this year

I told them I am broke

But they just laughed right in my face

They took it as a joke

I thought I was quite a wit

Thought that I was really bright

I read my new 1040 and found

That I have just half right

The more I read the less I knew

I’ve never been that stumped before

When they were passing out the brains

I must have been behind the door

And thought I mess out on the brains

Which makes it bad for me, no doubt

There’s lots of folks that got the brains

Who cannot figure the darn thing out

I filled mine out and mailed it in

If it’s all wrong and I land in jail

I surely hope some of my friends

Will hurry up and go my bail

So I’ll just wait until next year

Knowing I’ll still be in a mess

Trying to figure out how I can

Outsmart the IRS.

D.B. Cox, 1988

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s time to pay the Income Tax

For Nineteen-Eighty-Eight

This is the one time of the year

I really, truly hate

I thought that I would get away

And outrun the IRS

But I can’t run as fast any more

And I’m sure in a mess

They showed me how to fill it out

It wasn’t so bad you see

T’was better than it was last year

I even saved a buck or three

But now this year they’re adding more

And here’s the bottom line

They’re going to sock it to us

In Nineteen-Eighty-Nine

They think that we should earn more

And pay more tax some how

But I don’t think I’m earning

What I’m getting now

So I am sure that come next year

I’ll still be in a mess

Trying to figure how I can

Out run the IRS

D.B. Cox, 1989

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s time to try to float a loan

To pay my Nineteen-Ninety tax

The IRS sure comes unglued

Whenever I’m a little lax

It seems that almost every year

I put it off, I must confess

I good around until I’m late

And that sure gets me in a mess

One year I couldn’t pay my tax

And they took all my clothes

It was cold and wet that year

And I just darn near froze

I sneaked down to the Welfare place

I gave them quite a shock

I walked right into their warm office

I didn’t even stop to knock

They fixed me up with some warm clothes

And sent me on my way

They were so glad to see me go

I didn’t even have to pay

Someone said to me one time

Pay your taxes with a smile

I tried that a few years ago

And they were mad for quite a while

I’m saying to the IRS

Two years ago I nearly froze

Don’t leave me in the nude this year

I think the Welfare’s out of clothes

I’ll try to pay on time next year

But if you’d like to guess

I’ll probably be a little late

And end up in another mess

D.B. Cox, 1991

Some More Nonsense from One of the Over-the-Hill Bunch

I eat with Rolling Meals each day

And they are really good

I wouldn't change but one small thing

Even if I could

It's that those little round green peas

Are messing up my life

The dad-burn little rascals

Keep rolling off my knife

I've tried to use my fork instead

By holding it just so

But if it wobbles just a bit

Off the rascals go

I've mixed them up with honey

But that may make me fat

I could use mashed potatoes, but

Some days we don't have that

I'm really getting all shook up

Now I am asking, please

Will someone put their brains to work

And come up with square peas?!

D.B. Cox

Oh, My Aching Back

Back bones are several little bones

Each one above another

Our heads sit on one end of them

And we sit on the other

Backs are a useful part of us

We use them every day

And if we sprain them now and then

They hurt for many a day

If Arthur Ritis gets to them

That sure keeps us awake

And when the weather's cold and damp

That really makes them ache

Everybody has a back

They're one a nature's features

If we didn't all have one

We'd be strange-looking creatures.

D.B. Cox

Another Brain Storm

We sure get tired of CHARLIE HORSE

When he pays us a call

And if he hangs around too long

We can hardly walk at all

He sure fouls up our exercise

And here' all we can say

If it wouldn't be for old WILL POWER

We couldn't make it through the day

When we go to bed at night

Three of us hit the hay

Besides ourselves there's ARTHUR RITIS

and our good friend old BEN GAY

Our sinuses plug our noses up

So we can't sell the flowers

Those aches and pains are messin' up

Those good old days of ours

D.B. Cox

(Grandad wrote this poem for Senior Citizens. It can be sung to the tune of "Those Weddign Bells are Breaking Up That Old Gang of Mine.")

Happy New Year!

Over the years, Grandad wrote a lot of poems for New Year's. Here is a compilation of the ones remaining is his treasure trove of gems:

The year is 1984

We’ve never had this year before

As some of us were feeling great

We thought that we would celebrate

We all met at the Silver Dollar

And started in to sing and holler

We drank till we could stand no more

And all wound up down on the floor

We finally drank up all the beer

And wished the world “Happy New Year!”

Some cops said, “You’re drunk as a pup”

And hauled me home to sober up

The way I feel is sure a sin

I says to me, “Never again!”

I hope that I will stay alive

And feel much better by ’85

D.B. Cox

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty-Five

And here I am just half alive

I celebrated the New Year

And got real high on some root beer

I staggered all around the place

And then I fell flat on my face

I’m not young like I was before

Way back in Nineteen-Eighty-Four

And I was still a kid you see

Way back in Nineteen-Eighty-Three

Now that I’ve learned a thing or three

I’ll be as good as I can be

And I won’t pull no more dumb tricks

Till Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty-Six

D.B. Cox

~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY NU YEAR (1986)

Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty-Five

Was fading fast away

We had a midnight party

To bring in New Year’s Day

Someone said, “Things sure are tough”

And I said, “They’re all right”

Someone else said, “You’re all nuts”

That sure did start a fight

Then there I was down on the floor

With the rest on top of me

And soon I had these two black eyes

So I could hardly see

Next thing my nose got flattened out

And I could hardly hear

Because some great big bruiser

Had stepped on my best ear

Bells started ringing, horns were blowing

To welcome New Year’s Day

So I crawled over to the door

And quietly sneaked away

I sure am glad to be at home

But now I’ll have to pay

To get some steak for my black eyes

So I’ll be good as new some day

Now I’m recuperating

I was in an awful fix

I wasn’t sure that I’d survive

Till Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty-Six

We plan another party

Some time this coming spring

If someone says, “Things sure are tough”

I ain’t gonna say a dad-burn thing

D.B. Cox

~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY NEW YEAR (1988)

Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty-Seven

Was fading fast away

We thought we’d have a midnight party

To bring in New Year’s Day

Someone said, “Things sure are tough”

And I said “They’re all right”

Someone else said “You’re all nuts”

That sure did start a fight

Then there I was down on the floor

With the rest on top of me

And soon I had these two black eyes

So I could hardly see

Next thing my nose got flattened out

And I could hardly hear

Become some great big bruiser

Had stepped on my right ear

Bells started ringing, horns were blowing

To bring in New Year’s Day

So I crawled over to the door

And quietly sneaked away

I sure was glad to be at home

But I really had to pay

To get some beef steak for my eyes

So I could see another day

But now I’m almost good as new

And feeling really fine

So now it’s time for another party

To bring in Eighty-Nine

So we’ll all get together

To hear the bells all ring

If some says, “Things sure are tough”

I ain’t gonna say a dad-burn thing

D.B. Cox

~~~~~~~~~~

(1991)

It’s Nineteen-Hundred-Ninety-One

A brand new year has just begun

We’ve never had this year before

We wonder what it has in store

It’s time for New Year resolutions

It’s not too hard to make ‘em

The trouble with most resolutions

It’s easier to break ‘em

We hope someone will soon wake up

And bring the soldiers safely home

I’ve said enough so I shall write

Just one more verse for this dumb poem

We hope you have a real good year

And have a lot of fun

We also hope your health stays good

In Nineteen-Hundred-Ninety-One

D.B. Cox