An Early New Year's Poem

Nineteen Hundred Eighty-two

Was fading fast away

We thought we’d have a midnight party

To bring in New Year’s Day

Someone said, “Thing sure are tough”

And I said, “They’re all right”

Someone else said “You’re all nuts”

That sure did start a fight

Then there I was down on the floor

With the rest on top of me

And soon I had these two black eyes

So I could hardly see

Next thing, my nose got flattened out

And I could hardly hear

Because some great big bozo

Had stepped on my right ear

Bells started ringing, horns were blowing

To bring in New Year’s Day

So I crawled over to the door

And quietly sneaked away

I sure am glad to be at home

But I know I’ll have to pay

To get some beef steak for my eyes

So I’ll be good as new some day

Now I’m recuperating

As happy as can be

I wasn’t sure that I’d survive

Till Nineteen Hundred Eighty-three

We plan another party

Sometime this coming spring

If someone asks, “How’s the country doing?”

I ain’t gonna say a dad-burn thing!

D.B.C.

T'was the Day After Christmas

T'was the day after Christmas

And you maybe can guess

That things at our house

Were really a mess

There was paper and boxes

And packing galore

And ribbons and scotch tape

All over the floor

We got lots of presents

I think it's because

We all still believe

There's a real Santa Claus

And though we are happy

And full of good cheer

We're glad Christmas comes

Only one day each year

Our expressions will change

To a frown from a grin

When those Christmas bills

start coming in

Happy New Year!

D.B.C.

Oh, If I Could Be Nineteen Again

One sunny day I walked downtown

Which isn’t very far

I met this snazzy chick

Near the Silver Dollar Bar

She looked at me, then smiled and said

I’m looking for a man

I ups to her, she ups to me

And then I turned and ran

It dawned on me that I’m too old

For this kind of date

I think it may have been real nice

But it’s sixty years too late

So I just hurried on back home

Where I haven’t got a care

Took off my shoes and just relaxed

In my old reclining chair

They say her name is Helen French

And I suppose that’s so

I don’t know what it is in English

And I’ll probably never know

Over the hill D.B.C.

A Cow Tail

We had this eight cylinder cow

To milk her we weren’t sure how

So four of us tried, with two on each side

We soon said “we’re through milking” Now?

This outstanding animal was raised

on feed supplied by

Rancher’s Feed Service

Lusk, Wyoming

H. & R. Brown, Props.

D.B.C.

Labor(less) Day

A holiday is coming soon

They call it “Labor Day”

As one who used to labor

Here’s what I have to say

I’ve seen a lot of Labor Days

And here’s what I have found

Most folk don’t Labor much that Day

They mostly goof around

Some say “some good old mountain trout

Would make a tasty dish”

So the7y go up the river

And try to catch some fish

Some are lucky and they get

The day off with full pay

I think that we should change it

And call it “Laborless Day”

D.B.C.

(Another) School Daze

I didn’t do real well in school

I must have been some kind of fool

I made it through my just a crack

Went in the front door and out the back

In Math they asked “What’s X times Y?”

I didn’t know and wondered why

They’d ask a think like that of me

I even flunked what’s two times three

The Latin teacher said, “D.B.

Can you translate ‘puer’ for me?”

I said, “I think that must mean ‘glass’”

That sent me to the foot of the class

In History I didn’t do real good

The teacher said, “D.B., you should

Describe Columbus, if you can”

I didn’t even know the man

So here I am, still wondering why

They wanted to know “What’s X times Y?”

D.B.C.

School Daze

SCHOOL DAZE

It’s time for school to start again

In Nineteen Hundred Eighty-Nine

The kids have had a short vacation

In this good old summer time

There’s lots of things for them to learn

If they try hard to do it

These are the best years of their lives

If they only knew it

We wish them all a lot of luck

How they’ll turn out we can only guess

When they grow up and take control

They’re going to inherit quite a mess

We Senior Citizens used to go to school

A long, long time ago

We really should go back again

We’d learn some things that we don’t know

D.B.C.

The Mug-Wump

The Mug-Wump is a funny bird

He sits on the fence and sings

He eats grasshoppers, flies, and bugs

And lots of other things

He isn’t call a Mug-Wump

Because he looks like his mother

It’s because his Mug’s on one side of the fence

And his Wump is on the other

D.B.C.

Oh No, Not Another Brain Storm: Hooray, I'm going to be rich! (I hope...)

I received glad tidings some time ago

It filled my heart with glee,

It seems they have Ten Million Bucks

They want to send to me

I few days later I received another

That really made me roar

They’d like to send Ten Million too

Or maybe even more

And then another Sweepstakes came

With Seven Million Bucks to spare

If I send in my lucky number

They’ll send me back my share

The next one was Five Million Bucks

If I can only make it

Although it’s less than the others are

I’ll force myself to take it

And then there’s one cheapskate sweepstakes

One Million is their range

But I’ll take it just because

I’ll need some pocket change

I’ll be real careful with all that money

I’ll handle it with care

T’will take a while to get me used

To being a Millionaire

I check my mail most every day

My nerves are getting tense

I’ve only won one sweepstakes yet

The amount was nineteen cents

I’m keeping my toes and fingers crossed

I haven’t won a big prize yet

But when I receive those Millions and Millions

I’ll pay off the National Debt.

D.B.C.

A Beautiful Wyoming Flower

There are flowers growing in my lawn

They open up each day at dawn

They are just as healthy as can be

And also pretty, as you can see

I took a picture of this one

Just fooling around to have some fun

Just what it is nobody knows

I think it’s a Wyoming rose.

D.B.C.

Another Revoltin' Development in Cody, Wyo.

I went downtown the other day

To see what I could see

A smart young whipper-snapper there

Tried to mug me

I slapped his face right then and there

I should have turned and ran

He ups to me, I ups to him

And then the fight began

He doubled up his big right fist

And I hit it with my nose

It surely did surprise him

Here’s how the story goes

Then I jabbed his left finger

With my good left eye

It really hurt him so darn bad

That he began to cry

So then I threw him on the ground

I surprised him with that stunt

I think he must have weighted a ton

It really made me grunt

So then I stuffed my big left ear

In his mouth as we fell

I think it must have hurt him bad

Because it really made him yell

About that time a Cop came by

And helped him to his feet

Then I got up, I sure was mad,

And kicked him in the seat

So after I went home I thought

No more of him I’d see

I’ll bet now he won’t be so ornery

Since I learned him a thing or three!

D.B.C.

Another Exasperatin' Day in the Life of a Senior Citizen

Spring has sprung and winter’s gone

Now summer’s on the way

I felt so good I thought I’d wash

Some windows this fine day

I took my ladder, pail and soap

And started to wash one

I thought I heard a noise below

I had only just begun

I looked around, there on the lawn

Two friendly skunks I see

A mother and her stripped kid

Were smiling up at me

I climbed up higher and said “Scat!

Please kitties go away!”

But they just stood there on the lawn

They kept me there all day

I finally got so tired I hit

The big one with my pail

I see I shouldn’t have did that

‘Cause she raised up her tail

She sure got made and glared at me

And then I heard her say

“Come on and let us spray!”

The aroma that she sprayed on me

Caused me to holler “Phew!”

I held my nose and closed my eyes

It turned the air dark blue

I jumped down off that ladder

Still holding my poor nose

I ran into my shed out back

And took off all my clothes

Then as I headed for the house

In my old birthday suit

I heard a neighbor lady say

“My goodness! Ain’t he cute!”

I ran downstairs and took a shower

Though it wasn’t my bath day

I washed and washed on that darn smell

But it wouldn’t go away

I finally dressed and went outside

With a clothespin on my nose

I dug a hole in my back yard

And buried those old clothes

I haven’t washed the windows yet

That first try was a fright

Next time I try I’ll make darn sure

There ain’t no skunks in sight

D.B.C.

I failed at Golfing - Now I'm back to Bowling

I’m taking up the game of golf

I’ve only just begun

To chase that white round ball around

They say is lots of fun

I had to have a caddy

So I got me one named Meghan

I only had one other choice

His name was Ronnie Reagan

I sat the ball up on the tee

And took a swing at it

The ball just sat there on the tee

Air was the only thing I hit

I took another swing at it

I swung that club real hard

I stirred up such a dog-gone breeze

It rolled the ball about a yard

I took another swing at it

And gave it quite a tap

Then it flew up and went right straight

Into a darn sand trap

So then I used my twelve iron

Like all good golfers do

I swung at it with all my might

The sand and ball sure flew

So then I lined it up real good

I thought I had it beat

I tapped it gently with my putter

It came up short about two feet

I finally came up with a scheme

I think it’s something new

To get that darn ball in the hole

I had to use my shoe

I swung those clubs till I was pooped

And I must tell you folks

I almost made a hole-in-one

Just missed it by five strokes

I think from now on I’ll just bowl

Here’s why it’s best of all

You play inside and you don’t even

Have to hunt the ball

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went in my back yard one day

To do some work out there

It was full of Jackalopes

They sure gave me a scare

They growled and roared and pawed the ground

They were as mad as they could be

They chased me back into the house

I think they all hate me

I got a bomb from Uncle Sam

And set it off today

I sure messed up one Jackalope

But the others got away

I really put the run on them

I’ve one more thing to say

I hope I scared them good enough

So now they’ll stay away

D.B.C.

My Kingdom for a Tax Shelter

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around

And met this Jackalope pawing the ground

I was checking to see what I could see

When that mad brute took after me

He was real mad and getting madder

So I climbed up on my step ladder

I climbed as high as I could go

And he glared at me from down below

It sure was cold out there that day

And I said “Jackalope go away”

It felt like it was near zero

I thought that he would never go

He finally took off in a huff

And I said “Feet now do your stuff”

I climbed back down and ran inside

And stared to warm up my old hide

Cold made it hard to get about

It took two hours to thaw me out

When I go out again I hope

I won’t meet that mad Jackalope

D.B.C.

I went back out to feed the birds

And like some half baked dope

I didn’t think to look around

For that mad Jackalope

I didn’t see him anywhere

But gosh there was another

He wasn’t quite so big and fat

I think it’s his kid brother

He spotted me and here he came

With one blood curdling roar

I ran as fast as I could go

And beat him to the door

I’ll buy some bombs from Uncle Sam

If he has some to sell

I’ll drop them on those Jackalopes

And blow them all to **** ...pieces

D.B.C.

April 1st 1983 - The Original April Fool

(Note: Grandad LOVED April Fool's Day; he pranked me every year!)

There’s a fool born every minute

That’s what P.T. Barnum said

I don’t think that we’re all stupid

We’re just feeble in the head

We really are a jolly bunch

I’ll say in our defense

And I’m sure I’m just as happy

As if I’d been blessed with good sense

If I’d been an extra-smart kid

I’d probably be a millionaire

But this way I’m free from worry

I don’t even have a care

I don’t try to hold a job down

And I’m not an old deadbeat

I don’t draw no unemployment

All I do is sleep and eat

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

(NOTE: Grandad wrote several of these "Jackalope" themed pieces.)

I dug out my old trust rope

And caught myself a Jackalope

I didn’t know if he’d been rode

I thought perhaps I might get throwed

But he was gentle as could be

He didn’t even buck with me

He needs no gas, no oil, no lube

Not even oats, just rabbit food

He nibbles grass from dusk till dawn

And fertilizes my dumb lawn

And when with him I’m finally through

I’ll have myself some rabbit stew

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around

And met this Jackalope pawing the ground

He growled so loud I thought I’d been had

So I climbed my shed ‘cause he surely was mad

I thought I’d stay there till he went away

He kept me up there for two nights and a day

He finally gave up and decided to go

And I fell in a heap right there in the snow

I was so cold I hardly could talk

It sure hurt my legs to get up and walk

Now when I go out I surely do hope

I won’t meet up with that mad Jackalope

D.B.C.

Another Revoltin' Development: The Old Boy Lost Out Again

I’m feeling awfully sad today

Things sure went wrong for me

My tears are both so full of eyes

I just can’t hardly see

I thought I had it figured out

So she would fulfill my wishes

By doing windows, floors and laundry

And wish up all my dishes

I’d even let her pay the rent

The light bill and TV

I’d also let her cook some meals

And take good care of me

She was sure a neat old chick

But she messed up my plan

Instead of coming home with me

She ran off with the dumb milk man

I’ll stay away from all those widows

With them I shall not mingle

I don’t care if they’re rich or poor

I’ll go on being single

D.B.C.