I failed at Golfing - Now I'm back to Bowling

I’m taking up the game of golf

I’ve only just begun

To chase that white round ball around

They say is lots of fun

I had to have a caddy

So I got me one named Meghan

I only had one other choice

His name was Ronnie Reagan

I sat the ball up on the tee

And took a swing at it

The ball just sat there on the tee

Air was the only thing I hit

I took another swing at it

I swung that club real hard

I stirred up such a dog-gone breeze

It rolled the ball about a yard

I took another swing at it

And gave it quite a tap

Then it flew up and went right straight

Into a darn sand trap

So then I used my twelve iron

Like all good golfers do

I swung at it with all my might

The sand and ball sure flew

So then I lined it up real good

I thought I had it beat

I tapped it gently with my putter

It came up short about two feet

I finally came up with a scheme

I think it’s something new

To get that darn ball in the hole

I had to use my shoe

I swung those clubs till I was pooped

And I must tell you folks

I almost made a hole-in-one

Just missed it by five strokes

I think from now on I’ll just bowl

Here’s why it’s best of all

You play inside and you don’t even

Have to hunt the ball

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went in my back yard one day

To do some work out there

It was full of Jackalopes

They sure gave me a scare

They growled and roared and pawed the ground

They were as mad as they could be

They chased me back into the house

I think they all hate me

I got a bomb from Uncle Sam

And set it off today

I sure messed up one Jackalope

But the others got away

I really put the run on them

I’ve one more thing to say

I hope I scared them good enough

So now they’ll stay away

D.B.C.

My Kingdom for a Tax Shelter

D.B.C.

Another Jackalope Tail From Cody Wyoming

I went out back to look around

And met this Jackalope pawing the ground

I was checking to see what I could see

When that mad brute took after me

He was real mad and getting madder

So I climbed up on my step ladder

I climbed as high as I could go

And he glared at me from down below

It sure was cold out there that day

And I said “Jackalope go away”

It felt like it was near zero

I thought that he would never go

He finally took off in a huff

And I said “Feet now do your stuff”

I climbed back down and ran inside

And stared to warm up my old hide

Cold made it hard to get about

It took two hours to thaw me out

When I go out again I hope

I won’t meet that mad Jackalope

D.B.C.

I went back out to feed the birds

And like some half baked dope

I didn’t think to look around

For that mad Jackalope

I didn’t see him anywhere

But gosh there was another

He wasn’t quite so big and fat

I think it’s his kid brother

He spotted me and here he came

With one blood curdling roar

I ran as fast as I could go

And beat him to the door

I’ll buy some bombs from Uncle Sam

If he has some to sell

I’ll drop them on those Jackalopes

And blow them all to **** ...pieces

D.B.C.

April 1st 1983 - The Original April Fool

(Note: Grandad LOVED April Fool's Day; he pranked me every year!)

There’s a fool born every minute

That’s what P.T. Barnum said

I don’t think that we’re all stupid

We’re just feeble in the head

We really are a jolly bunch

I’ll say in our defense

And I’m sure I’m just as happy

As if I’d been blessed with good sense

If I’d been an extra-smart kid

I’d probably be a millionaire

But this way I’m free from worry

I don’t even have a care

I don’t try to hold a job down

And I’m not an old deadbeat

I don’t draw no unemployment

All I do is sleep and eat

D.B.C.